Joe's testimony "Three-times-accepted" on 2/19/2013, 3:58pm...
I was raised in California; I was sexually, verbally, and physically abused. At the age of 11 I started becoming angry with God and everyone, including my drug addict father that left when I was an infant. My mother had just devoiced my step father, I had just been beaten by an uncle, and then it happened. I started not caring about myself or anyone else. I couldn't feel the big hole in my chest when I gave into anger. I also didn't care about school and never stayed a place more than a year, to care or try. I stabbed the bible with Jesusí picture on it I was so angry.
I gave up... For the next 5 Years I burnt down homes, stole from everywhere I could, became a bully, broke into houses pooped and peed in their home ate there food, stole my momís car at 14, ran away got kicked out became popular. I didn't care about anything. Then it all came crashing down, I attempted suicide, not to cry out, but to kill myself, to end it. That was the first time I felt him. He came to me when I was sobbing and weak on the floor later that day a nurse would find my core temp was 76 Degrees, I was latterly half dead. I prayed to him, just to say sorry, I was sorry for being what I felt was a failure. I never realized it, but I had known my creator all along.
Luckily I survived suicide and at the age of 16 I accepted him in my heart and gave Jesus my life. When I did this I was slain in the holy spirit, I awoke a new man. I was happy, I didn't feel sad anymore. For the next 7 years I enjoyed a peaceful and blessed life. Then.. I fell away, I no longer preformed as a Christian I wanted to be in the world, they seemed to have it all, but I forgot where God had taken me from. I rededicated my life to Jesus in 2007. At this time I started ministryís and started telling people about my good Lord that took me back 2 times. Then in 2008 my wife told me she had lied about many things sexual, and told me she cheated on me. My heart broke, I instantly yelled Abba! I then renounced God and told him I didn't want him any longer in my life, heart or soul. I could feel him leave, it was very, very terrifying, I tried to ask him back, but I didnít mean it.
After God left I latterly felt nothing good. I had no hope, I became a binge drinker and a partier, a wife beater, a smoker, a dipper, I also was a workaholic. I spent all my time building a name for myself and a reputation. I whooped my kids too hard and screamed and treated everyone bad. During this time I was in the world and had a twisted Christianity and hated "church" Christians.
I had given up on my first love, Jesus Christ. Then It happened again I felt God knocking at my heart but I said no.. I was an elite warrior and made good money and had a good reputation. Then I Bleed out of my but and became very ill. I saw my life flash before me and only saw darkness.
I then decided to get re baptized and confess all my sins publicly and drew close to God. Since then it has been easy! He truly was a caring Father to me. His love never changed. Three times he took me in. This time there is something different. I don't want to see what was out there. I don't want to run away. I want to submit to Jesus every day. I just enjoy looking up at the clouds and knowing he is in control. I believe God and his son Jesus will never leave me. He Extends new mercies to me every day. I think back to the suicide attempt, and he could have let me kill myself and inherit hell. But instead he saved me and took me in. My father didn't want me, but God did.. So if you are wondering how you got where your at remember ; 3 times he has been faithful to me, and three times he has forgiven me, all I had to do was give him control. Have you given him control, trust him, he is a lot smarter and wiser than us.
God bless you my friends ,and may he comfort you and come to you, at the meeting place of your choice. Your Bother in Christ Joe