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Testimony: This-jesus

Anonymous testimony "This-jesus" on 3/20/2013, 6:43am...

I always knew of Jesus. But He was distant and impersonal. Having been raised in the church, having asked him to be my saviour at a young age, I never really knew Him, to the extent that I would hate to be at church, it was boring, I was hungry, why did people do it? I thought I knew all there was to know about this Jesus, through my saved parents, who frankly, got way too excited over Him.
Once they moved away I stopped going altogether, choosing to work on Sundays as needed the money. Fast forward a few years and there I was, an anorexic on medication for depression and anxiety, who had to watch the blood running out of my arms and down the plughole to feel peace and comfort. In bondage to metal music and alcohol, too scared to die because I knew this Jesus was angry at me. But hardly living. Despite having a husband now.
My only want was for a baby of my own. A baby to love, even to prove to myself I could still love. But the doctor had just told me that this would not happen. Not at that weight and on those tablets. I knew I couldnít eat, even for this, so my last hope at happiness died.
That is when this Jesus reached in and blessed me with the gift of a beautiful daughter. Just a few weeks after seeing that doctor, I was pregnant! Once I found out I was delivered from the anorexia, depression and anxiety. I could freely eat, I was happy. I delivered a healthy baby girl.
It was until she was around 12 months that Jesus drew me back to Him. Strong conviction when I saw my baby showed me that I was blessed to have been raised by saved parents who did their best to teach me the gospel. At this moment, even after the miracle baby, I knew I was still scared of God and didnít know how to raise my baby in Jesus when I wasn't sure I knew him myself, I though that He was angry at me and disliked me. What hope was there for my daughter to find Jesus If this was how I felt?
The Lord, however, knew my thoughts and fears, as He knows everybodyís. He began to show me through a variety of means that He loved me. Even using TV evangelists to pray with me and I gave my life to Him again, but this time I meant it in my heart. He even made sure soon after that I was baptised with the Holy Spirit. This is the moment I can pinpoint to when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was truly His and Him mine.
Some things happened when I was baptised in the Spirit, instantly my desire for alcohol went, this fear Iíd had all my life went away and the chains that held me to metal were broken. Because, who the Son makes free, is free indeed!
Itís now a few months on and I am growing in Him, learning daily, hearing His voice, feeling His touch.
To anyone reading this, Jesus is real. Heís real! And He loves you, like he loves me. There is nothing you can do or have done that is too horrid for Him to be able to love you. He died for that sin on the cross. Donít believe Satanís lies that Jesus is angry at you and hates you. Call on His mighty name, right name. He is waiting for you.

 

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