Testimony: Muddy Field Of Dreams

Ryan's testimony "Muddy Field Of Dreams" on 8/07/2016, 4:55pm...

My parents divorced when I was ten years old and I didn't go to church after the divorce. My life changed the day I accepted Jesus Christ. On the outside it looked like I had it all, a degree from a top ranked school, and a baseball scholarship for graduate school. The outside is deceiving, just like the devil. I began to believe the lies that the devil told me, saying I was worthless and all I could do was play baseball. Ever since my parents divorce I had worshiped a sport, baseball. I was taking online graduate classes, living on my own in a small town, and holding on to the dream of playing professional baseball. It all fell apart when depression came in told me I was no one without baseball. I stopped going to class, and I stopped going to baseball practice, the only thing I had worshiped. I found myself in my apartment googling how to commit suicide. I write this because I know other student athletes face this dilemma. Wether it be when their career is over or when an injury comes. They play and worship a sport for so long, they forget what really matters. I never truly knew God, but the next few months of my life showed me how much he really cared for me. I was in two short term psychiatric hospitals for depression and suicidal thoughts before I was saved by the Grace of God. i was given a bible in the second stay in Lake Worth. Florida from a girl who suffered from depression. All I could think about was how this girl had no one in her life, but she told me God loved me. All I could still think about was how I was going to make it back and play baseball, my God. I carried that bible with me, still sick. As I became suicidal again, wondering where my life would lead if I couldn't go back and play my final year of NCAA eligibility I entered a long term psychiatric stay. The first week there I was still hardened and thought I was going to hell. After about a week I opened up and started reading the bible I had been given a few weeks before. I didnt really understand anything, but I felt at ease. I had played baseball at a high level for a long time and this peace was so much more than anything I had ever encountered. I kept reading and taking notes and then finally I got on my knees to pray. In December of 2015 I got on my knees to pray for forgiveness for the first time in my life. I asked for forgiveness for the sins that I didn't think could be lifted off of my shoulders. If you struggle with depression, please dont give up. Christ is there for you, no matter your situation. I tried to hide my sickness and I want to prevent others from falling in my foot steps. Athletes battle depression all of the time, the only way to truly overcome this depression is Jesus Christ. The bright lights and fans cheering will give you a euphoric high, but the everlasting love that Christ has is more than any accolade you could ever have. I write this hoping that any athlete who is struggling with depression opens up and asks for help. If you don't want to open up to someone here on earth, God is always listening.

 

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