Kelsey's testimony "Jesus Saves" on 8/14/2013, 4:42pm...
I grew up in the catholic church. Ever since I was little I went to a Catholic church. I would sing songs and not know Jesus, I would take the bread and not know Jesus. I would sit down and listen to the priest talk about a God that I didn't know. I would day dream as I sat down in church, I would fall asleep. I would think about so many other things than God. I thought my life was amazing,I thought I had the best life ever. I didn't think I needed God, I thought he was a choice not a necessity. Little did I know that my life was about to come crumbling down.
My mom and dad started fighting, their little fights got bigger and bigger. I remember being so afraid when they fought. My heart broke into pieces when my Dad told me him and my mother were getting a divorce. My heart dropped when my Dad told me that he was moving to Florida and my heart shattered when I didn't even get to say bye to my dad before he left. Thats when my life turned upside down. I began to not feel loved, I began to feel like my dad didn't love me, I began to feel like my family didn't love me, I began to feel like my friends didn't care about me. I began to feel depressed. All the heart break, all the hurt, all the pain i kept cramped up inside. i hid all the pain and heart break behind a smile. i would laugh and smile around my friends and family just so they thought i was okay, i didn't want anyone to know how heartbroken i was. i felt so alone, i felt like there was no one i could talk to, i felt like there was no one that could comfort me. i spiraled into a depression. i began to cry all the time, i would come home from school just to crawl under my sheets and cry. i began to find ways to try to cover up all the pain. i looked to boys to feel beautiful, i looked to boys to feel loved. i would play with boy's hearts and lead them on just to break their hearts; like mine was broken. i would crave for a guy to call me beautiful or pretty. However no matter how many times someone called me beautiful i never believed it, i never felt pretty. i would dread looking in the mirror everyday. i would count my flaws. Then i looked to pornography to cover up the pain and fill the emptiness within me. i never thought i would become addicted, i thought i could stop. i thought i could control it, but before i knew it i was addicted. i could not stop, no matter how many times i tried to stop i couldn't. i was a slave to pornography and masturbation. i was feeding my flesh 4 to 5 times a day. when i was doing it all the hurt and pain was gone, all my worries, all my brokenness was gone. however after i was done i felt guilty and all the hurt and pain was back. it was a cycle. i became angry at myself because i couldn't stop. i fell into a even deeper depression, i began getting negative thoughts in my head. thoughts that said i was not worth anything, thoughts that told me it would be better if i was dead. i believed the lie, i believed every lie the devil told me. i began wanting to kill myself, i wanted to die. i didn't care where i went i just wanted to leave this world. i tried cutting myself and i got mad when i couldn't do it. i was so done with life, i didn't care what i did i didn't care what happened anymore i was just so broken.
January 2013 my sister got saved. i experienced the transformation before my very eyes, one day she was out partying and the next day she was talking about god. she told my how God came to her in a dream. she began reading the bible, praying and going to church all the time. then she got baptized. it all happened so fast. i would get so angry when she talked about god. i got so mad because i was so broken and she was so joyful. i wanted what she had, i wanted god to do the same thing for me, i wanted him to take away all the hurt, i wanted my addiction to go away. i began reading the bible but i still didn't know Jesus. i still listened to worldly music. i started listening to sermons and learning about god. but i still acted the way the rest of the world acted. after my sister left for college i was still going through some pain and hurt. one night i was so tired physically and mentally of all the pain that i cried out to god. i poured out my whole heart to him. i was weeping uncontrollably, i told him how sorry i was for everything, i told him how i wanted to change, how i wanted all the pain and all the hurt to go away, i told him that i wanted my addiction to go away. i accepted jesus into my life that night. i didn't really expect anything radical to happen. after i accepted jesus i deleted all my music from my phone that night. when i woke up the next day i felt this peace, this joy. i didn't feel depressed, i didn't feel any pain. i had this hunger and this thirst for god. i had this hunger to go to church, pray and read the bible. i didn't know how to explain it. i began reading the bible everyday and pray and grow strong in my relationship with god. i started going to a christian church and started to feel god working in me and i felt his love. i felt this love that i never knew. i then decided to get water baptized. i felt like i finally had a purpose, i felt like there was a reason to live. i felt like i was actually alive again. Jesus saved me, he saved me from all the hurt, all the pain I was going through. He came into my life and cleansed me and washed me. Jesus made me into a new person. All glory to God. I don't know where I would be if it were not for him.
If you're going through any hurt, any pain, any heartbreak god can save you. God can wash all the brokenness that you are facing in a snap of a finger. Turn to God. He sees you, he sees all the pain you are going through. He sees every time you cry, every time someone hurts you. GOD SEES YOU. Psalm 56:8 "You number my wanderings, put my tears into your bottle. Are they not in your book?" God records every time you cry, he collects your tears in his bottle. Just let him in, let him into your heart, accept him, cry out to him, he can save you, THE TIME IS NOW. 2 Corinthians 6:2 "Behold, NOW is the accepted time; behold, NOW is the day of salvation." Do you have an emptiness inside of you? Do you have this longing inside of you? When you lay your head down on your pillow at night do you feel alive? God wants you, he created you for a purpose, he wants you. He is knocking on your heart waiting for you to let him in. "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me" Revelation 3:20 surrender all to him. Don't believe the lie. You are worth something, you are beautiful and God does love you. NOTHING can separate you from his love.
This is my testimony, God did it all. I did none of this; God gets all the glory! I hope this touched you & encouraged you. God Bless you.