Midori's testimony "Jesus Made A Miracle On Me" on 1/01/2013, 5:08am...
I'm changed by Jesus, I'm a Catholic and I believe in Jesus since then, whenever I need something, I pray to Him, it's like He's just my benefactor but still I'm thanking Him for the blessings but its like,I'm not really that grateful before not like now..
When I was 8, my parents separated because my mom committed adultery. I'm with my father now, our family is not really active in any churches, (we go to church rarely). We're living a comfortable life, my Father is a private contractor, we have our own cars, we eat delicious foods and such. When I was young I saw sex videos on our computer, I watched them, now when I try to reminisce those memories, I feel so disgusted about myself.
Last April or May 2012 I stopped schooling because we have no more money, I was so depressed that time, people will tell that its too simple, but its so hard for me because at that time, I was so inspired to finish my studies, I found my real friends, friends that I can rely and depend not like any people I had before. I was so happy I found them, the Lord knows that I was so glad that He gave me nice friends. I'm so happy with what is happening in my life, I'm good with some of my subjects, I'm studying overnight for my tests, I'm always planning for what I want to do after I graduated.
But when my father decided that we need to stop to go to school, I was so hopeless. I can see how my Father work hard for us to study and all of a sudden we need to stop studying, I was so depressed, because of my depression, I cry night and day, I pray to the Lord always but I really dont know Him alot, I don't know everything that He have done here on earth but I really do believe in Him! When I was in the midst of my depression, I do unholiness such as masturbation, I'm so ashamed, right after I do that I pray the sinner's prayer because I can feel so much guilt. I felt like I was lost, many people will judge what we do, will talk about us and such, that made my heart break more and more, evryday I'm waking up with pain inside my heart, I was so depressed, I can see and sense how my Father think about our family problem, I can see how the tears in his eyes forms when we are praying on the church. It breaks my heart.
When I was in the midst of my depression, the Lord contacted me through facebook! (through Christian and religious posts, at that time, evry posts that I saw is about encouragement, inspiring motivating) He gave me hope, I was really addicted on facebook that time, I decided to go to Jesus daily, I saw a post there it somehow says: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW POWERFUL GOD IS, UNTIL HE IS THE ONLY ONE YOU HAVE. I was so shocked, truly at that time, we may not have all our wants, but exactly what we are needing we do have. Jesus taught us to be contented on what we have, Jesus taught me evrything that time, I know it's Him, He taught me to trust Him. He's like a loving friend, who heals my heart with His words.
I was with my Father listening on the radio, it's somehow is a Psychological program. My father decided to buy something that's why I'm left alone, the guest on the radio somehow told: "if you're really struggling to something, then, the Lord is answering all your prayers now" the guest said "SURRENDER yourself to Him". I did what He said, I surrendered evrything to Him, my plans, hopes and dreams, my life, my soul, my desire, my goals, EVERYTHING.Right after I did that, mercy fall unto me and my family, my Father now have work, we are earning again, we changes somehow and the Lord also changed our situation, really He works in ways that we can't see.
I can say that I'm born again cause I'm not that same person whom I used to be, I listen to worship songs and I read also the bible, I reached the state that I'm always ready to die because I really wanted to be with the Lord. ALl my selfish desires are gone, I followed the J-ESUS O-THERS Y-OU, it really is giving Joy!I know that the Holy Spirit is with me . I'm so happy, before its hurting me because I stopped, now I'm so happy because if that dint happen, then I'll still be doing unholiness and I still sin alot. THANK YOU LORD!! HALLELLUJAH!!!!
Now, Im suffering from Scrupulosity (you can google it) I know God allow this to happen at me for a good reason, this Scrupulosity really is one of the hardest things that I've been through. I thought I'm gonna lose my salvation but I know that, that will never happen because I'll never give up on Him. When I found out How the Lord loves me, how He care, How He understands, I was filled with hope, I believe that my everyday is safe and sound because of Him, I was so lost before, He found me, I was so blind before of His love, now I see.