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Testimony: Delivered From A Prison I Built For Myself

DMM's testimony "Delivered From A Prison I Built For Myself" on 6/29/2014, 8:58pm...

For nearly 25 years of my life, I was enslaved by an addiction to sexual impurity. It cost me hundreds of dollars, and nearly my marriage.

A week before our 7 year anniversary, and a week after my daughter's 6th birthday, before cowering away from my home to my momís house, I confessed all my betrayals, both big and small to my wife in a long noteÖ There were manyÖ and one was being committed at that very time as well with another woman.

That night, I found myself, for all intents and purposes, technically homeless, having only the clothes on my back, freezing from the winter cold, unable to sleep, racked with guilt and confusion.

It was then that I realized that Satan had been having his way with me all this time, and when he had done maximum damage, chewed me up and spat me out.

The next morning, despite being extremely hurt and angry with me, for some reason, my wife pleaded with me to come back to her.

Ashamed of myself, all I could do was crumple in a heap on the floor of my mother's guest bedroom, weeping. I pleaded for God to guide me, because I realized at that moment how helpless I was, and how I was messing my life up so completely by taking matters into my own hands.

Discovering a study bible sitting on my momís bookshelf, I opened it on the floor and knelt before it. I didn't know where to start, so I used a scripture my father often cites:

Jeremiah 33:3: Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
(At the time I didn't realize it, but here was God saying: "Youíre submitting to Me, so sit back and watch Me do My thing. Here goes.")

I quickly realized that I needed to be in that room with that specific bible at that very moment in time, as I was then led to multiple verses in the footnotes, concerning my very situation. That was when it became apparent that God was LITERALLY speaking straight to my heart through the text, imploring me to turn my back on my path of self destruction:

Jeremiah 11:11: Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them.
("You have been sinning to the point that you have dug yourself into a hole that you canít climb out of, and unless you repent, and stop going down this path, I canít help you, though I want to so badly!")

Psalm 66:18: If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.
("Again I confirm, keep following the foolish, selfish ways of your heart, and I canít help you! Please repent of this! I am waiting! The only way you can follow me is to turn your back on this path!")

John 9:31: Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshiper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.
("This is a third confirmation, if youíre counting, Iím waiting!")

James 4:3: Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
("You are asking for My will to be done in your life, but you have been impure and leading a double life for all these years. I tell you NOW, that you may not continue on this path and also follow Me. You will lead one life from this day forward. Itís your choice which life that will be, and whether or not you really do want to trust me.")

Isaiah 56:11-12: Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.
("Your current path is one of self destruction, and the void you are trying to fill can not be filled any other way but through Me!")

Then He stopped issuing me warnings, and showed me His compassion, telling me how things will be when I turn my life around:

Job 13:22: Then call thou, and I will answer: or let me speak, and answer thou me.
("Turn this around, and not only will I be able to hear you, you will start to hear me, which, in case you havenít noticed, is happening right now!")

Psalm 22:24: For He hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath He hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, He heard.
("I see you crying, and I am here for you! If you would just give your life over to Me!")

Psalm 91:15: He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him.
("I promise that you are going to make it through this through My mercy and grace!")

Psalm 102:1-2: Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee. Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.
("This is what I want to hear out of your mouth the second you turn your back on this path!")

Isaiah 65:24: And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.
("I knew you before you were spoken into existence, and further, I know you better now than you have ever known yourself!")

I returned to my wife that night with a heart of sorrow and remorse, and promised to go to counseling. I went to church the next day, fell weeping before the stage in the front of the church and wrote down what had happened to the person who put his hand on my back, because I couldn't speak because I was weeping so hard.

As promised, I began 8 weeks of christian counseling, and I go to church and bible study regularly. My marriage was restored in a miraculously short time, because I submitted to the Will of God.

Yes, at times, I am attacked by the enemy, and tempted to return to my old ways, but I do not rely on my own strength to get me through my trials. Instead, I rely on the Strength of God, my precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who took all my sins on His back. (Philippians 4:13, and 1 John 4:4)

If you or anyone you know is having trouble believing whether or not there is a God. I can tell you right now, there absolutely is... only one... and He is JESUS! And He loves you so desperately much. He wants to take you tears away. He wants you to be joyful, and He wants to break the chains that bind you up.

He intends for you to have a life of victory, but that is only possible through complete surrender to His Perfect Will. His plans for you are infinitely better than anything you could ever come up with on your own. And further, He wants to spend eternity with you!

Blessings abundant upon those who seek The Lord in faith and righteousness.

Amen.

 

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