Anita's testimony "Being Lost" on 11/18/2013, 4:37pm...
I was born in a Christian Family. I never really believed there was a God. I knew there is someone who created this world but never thought He would care for me. I was very rebellious even at a young age. To me it seemed like i had no purpose to this life. I had friends to keep me happy, and i had a job to keep me satisfied. I thought that was all their is to my life. I would waste my time just from 8pm-6am just watching movies and staying up, then sleeping in all day. My life felt like a dream or some kind of confused routine over, and over again. I felt empty but always lied to my self and told myself im okay. I put it to the back of my head the more i tried forgetting it the more I became more and more depressed. I started hating my life.
I starting seeing how i make my parents upset, and everyone who was around me i ended up always being in arguments with them. And as i laid in my bed i felt so alone, like no one loved me. I screamed out looking up at the ceiling. " WHY? WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE. NO ONE LOVES ME. ALL I DO IS CAUSE TROUBLE ID RATHER BE DEAD." And after i said that, devil really attacked my thoughts saying suicide is the best attempt. I woke up everyday with the saying " here it goes again." I hated every day i woke up. I Got so depressed i had many suicide attempts. But God always found a way for me out. It felt like i had a big missing piece my heart and i couldnt understand what it was. Till i started to actually wonder.
I went to a 3 day conference one day and God spoke to me and i got the truth spoken into me but when i got back home i went back into how i was but i still had those repeating words in my head. " Jesus loves you, He died for you, He wants to be with you, Give all your burdens to Him" and i finally gave up and just started to seek who this God is. I fell to my knees and Cried out God. " IF YOU REALLY ARE THERE AND YOU DO EXIST AND LOVE ME, FINE I GIVE MY WHOLE LIFE TO YOU, just take away my emptiness fill me in with your love i need you." And as soon as i said those words i felt as if Holy Spirit came upon me and i heard gentle and peaceful voice saying " I am With You child."
And i knelt down and i cried, and cried, and cried. And the next day was a bright new day! I took out my bible and couldnt stop reading. My Soul longed for Him like never before. Don't give up! God LOves you soooo much! and HE cares for you! He wants you to be His and only His, Give up your life to Him and watch how your heart and life will change! seek Him with all your heart, mind, and soul! Jesus Loves you! :)