Jessica H.'s testimony "A New Creature" on 9/17/2013, 8:48pm...
What God and His Word have done for me
By Jessica Hayes
*Before Jesus saved me, I was steeped in and infatuated for most of my teenage years with pornography, writing and reading explicit sexual stories on the internet, as well as not being celibate with my then boyfriend. I also had an addiction to sexual fantasies and masturbation. After Jesus saved me with his Word, I am now not at all interested, nor do I watch, read, and write, sexual material. Also, I am celibate and recently Jesus healed me from painful addiction to auto sexuality, though it is still a journey and I must rely on His strength to not give in to a sudden onset of thoughts (very sudden, so I know the devil sends these thoughts, they are not natural.)
*Before Jesus saved me, I was haunted by childhood memories of sexual abuse (both as victim and even perpetrator, experimenting with others). After Jesus saved me, I forgave everyone and also asked for forgiveness, and also, I am extremely happy nor do I give thought to those thoughts brought up by satan to remind me.
*Before Jesus saved me, I was deeply wounded by being rejected and abandoned by my earthly dad (saw him about three times in my life) as well as mom (she left for NYC three days after I was born, I heard, to pursue her own interests and goals. I only have maybe two childhood memories of her in my mind.) After Jesus saved me and allowed my Heavenly Father God to adopt me (he is the Best Father in the whole world, I am set free from those horribly sad feelings, as well as my Mom and I are close (My mom has been changed by God also).
*Before Jesus saved me, I was participating, both knowingly and unknowingly, in witchcraft (Harry Potter I read as well), new age, and eastern spiritual activities. I was tormented constantly day and night by demons who actually abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I was at the point of suicide. After Jesus saved me, I have had peaceful nights’ sleep because He blankets me in his mercy, grace, hope, and love.
*Before Jesus saved me, I had the dirtiest mouth, cursing and sometimes yelling. Sometimes if I felt I couldn’t say enough bad words in my angry rant, I would literally growl, that was how bad my temper was. After Jesus saved me, I have found true enjoyment and joy in speaking what is pure, true, holy, lovely, and edifies and helps others. And I am not forced to speak like this, the Holy Spirit in me makes it natural that I speak only good. Also, I don’t have a temper anymore, unless I sinned in some area, and sometimes my old nature peeks through to try and gain entrance in my life again. But when I am in agreement with the Holy Spirit, and walking in Him, it is natural to speak and act only good.
*Before Jesus saved me, I was a selfish Scrooge. I took inventory of my material possessions and money constantly, and if anyone needed anything, I would not give it to them or lie, saying I had nothing. If any item was taken or out of place, I would go on a rampage through the house, threatening to move out. After Jesus saved me, through the Holy Spirit I am at peace and don’t care about keeping a tight hold on items. Also, I freely give money and items with a very joyful heart.
*Before Jesus saved me, I was a raging shopaholic and irresponsible. I’d buy things on credit, intending not to pay at all and go into debt. I would shop when I felt angry, sad, happy, and any other emotion under the sun. I would literally throw my bills behind the bed so as to keep them out of sight and out of mind. I’d blow all my money from paycheck to paycheck, not saving anything. I would not talk with companies when they tried to get payback. After Jesus saved me, I actually have no interest at all in shopping or even malls. Also I have called back some companies and collections agencies, wanting with a joyful and hopeful heart, to pay them back with whatever money I have. I have also started a savings fund for the future.
*Before Jesus saved me, because of my sin and the fact that satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy everything, my personality and mental stability was chipping away, becoming broken. Personality wise, I lost all my interests and goals that I use to have as a child. I was an empty being, laying around with no emotion or excitement, typing and constantly looking at sin. I even had a monotone, robotic voice at one time, and any one person that would come around, I‘d immediately copy them and have their interests and personality, because I had none to show. Mentally, I was completely abnormal and not fit for society and socialization (full of hatred, envy, and apathy). After Jesus saved me, I got back interests I had as well as never had before, and am extremely excited about them. I also speak and act with joy, and although I still prefer to be alone at times, God has inserted me into lovely groups at church that have become friends.
*Before Jesus saved me, I was slothful, laying in bed all day after work (if I didn’t call out) or school until I would get sore and weak all over. Even worse, on days off, I would literally go the whole day without getting up or eating barely nothing, not even showering. My bed was my prison. After Jesus saved me, I must always move and am excited about life and my goals, dreams, interests, and what God is doing. Oh, and I love to shower. ;-)
*Before Jesus saved me, I had no one to talk to. Literally no one. I lost contact with all friends because I never talked, nor did I want to get out of bed or the house to go anywhere. A few times I was alone at home on Christmas, not caring, yet deep down crying to be with others. I even ignored family. After Jesus saved me, he has put me in contact with many loving people at my church, a lot my age, and also I hang out with my family every chance I get. Also, God is the most desirable Friend I have ever had. I am completely satisfied with his goodness, and love, and purity, and His character and personality. He is my best friend, the first one I had once I was saved. He was there when no one else was there.
*Before Jesus saved me, I actually thought I was better than everyone else, even church folk (I am so not kidding! That is how delusional satan makes people in sin!!!) I thought I did everything better, that I did it right, that I needed no help, and I got jealous and envious of others who did any sort of accomplishment, and I would rush to mimic them and do it better. After Jesus saved me, I saw the deep, disgusting, deceptive pride I sunk into, and realized that without Him and His Spirit helping me every moment of the day now, I would revert back to my sick state of humanity. Everyday the Holy Spirit makes me joyful in my own set of weaknesses (reveling in that Jesus is strong) as well as strengths (enjoying the gifts He has given me for good), and I get excited about other people and what they do as well without coveting or wishing those accomplishments were my own. I feel full of satisfaction, and have no need of filling a void with accomplishments, because Jesus has filled the void.
*Before Jesus saved me I had anorexia. I lost 40 pounds by not eating in one instance (few months) during high school, and would get anxious even after eating a salad or drinking water, and I would run right away to look in the mirror! For a time I was afraid to look in the mirror because I hated myself and what I saw. I would also literally suck in my stomach at ALL TIMES, so as not to even breathe right, sometimes the whole day until I gasped for air and felt headaches. After Jesus saved me, I have only satisfaction in Him instead of looks, although I admit I still struggle with it since I am a human with weaknesses (I am still in the process of learning to breathe right after sucking in my stomach, because I actually forget to breathe, and find that I haven’t had a full breath in minutes). Everyday I only depend on getting my joy from God, and not by other means, and the Holy Spirit actually fills my need with that, with a fullness of joy and love for Him. I am happier now and forget about looks, and even at times, I prefer to have more curves (what a miracle!)
*Before Jesus saved me, I was moving down the road to becoming a full blown homosexual. I was bisexual, and had interest in woman, and hated men with a passion and was scared of them, even of them looking at me. I wrote homosexual stories, watched homosexual pornography, and was even ready to sign up on a website that catered to individuals who wanted to date in this “lifestyle.” After Jesus saved me, within the same week, these homosexual thoughts and feelings felt VERY foreign to my body. It felt as if these emotions and feelings were being sent to my body from satan and his demons, and these feelings were in opposition with my natural body’s gender. With the Holy Spirit in me, and me agreeing with Him that these feelings were not mine and were from satan, God blocked the feelings, and I actually began to like guys again, and also I began to lose interest in women, and now I don’t have it at all nor do I want it. One time God even showed me homosexuality was from satan, because as I was walking down a hallway at work, a woman passed by, and suddenly, out of no where, a demonic male voice in my ear said “She is pretty” as if this demon was trying to convince me. This was when I had no interest in women also, so my body had no inclination at all toward having desires for the woman. The thought was completely foreign and in opposition with my own body’s natural gender’s feelings. I chose not to agree with the demon and shooed the thought away by Jesus and His truth, and suddenly the voice vanished and my body’s feelings stayed completely utterly intact, no inkling at all of a homosexual desire in any of my parts. I am completely set free and healed from this intensely deceiving sin by…
JESUS and His truth, His light, and His precious gift to me, the gift being He died on the cross for EVERY single sin I have ever committed, and then rising the third day to completely defeat satan and his demons and all of sin and death‘s power. He HAS set me free and given me every promise in His Holy Word, The Bible…including this fitting verse below…
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.