Kim Sanders's testimony "A 16 Year Old Girl's Story..." on 11/02/2013, 6:09pm...
I've always has a pretty hard life compared to most people my age. I've had to deal with an abusive brother my whole life. I've been through depression, self-harm, marijuana addiction and other stuff. I thought I'd never feel okay. I've thought about suicide many times, and even had a detailed plan set for a date that, at the time, had a lot of meaning to me. That all changed very, very quick.
I guess I could say the real journey started when I was 14. I met a guy. A really nice guy. At the time he was my life. I fell for him so fast, and if you asked me to this day I would STILL say he was my first love. We planned on getting married. We picked names for our future kids. Everything went great. But then one day, his mother found out I was 4 years younger than him. I suddenly wasn't allowed at his house. He wasn't allowed to talk to me on the phone but he snuck around and did it anyway. I remember one time, we were holding each other and crying bc we really thought it was the end of our relationship. He cared, I know he did. God knows I did too. I guess something happened, and he found a new girl closer to his age. I became his second choice. I was the girl on the side. She knew nothing about me, but I knew all about her. I went three months letting him cheat on her with me... but I got tired of it. I put my feelings aside and did what was best for me. Of course, he hated me for that.
The long months after that were miserable for me. I planned on committing suicide on the date that would be our one year anniversary. I had it all planned out. Something inside me told me to just move on and let go... and I did.
While all this was going on, my abusive brother was in foster care. He has a history of physical abuse toward my parents. While he doesn't hurt me physically, I've suffered with depression and self-harm because if him.
Dealing with both of these things, losing my first love and having to worry whether my parents would live or die... it sent me over the edge. I started smoking marijuana every day. I couldn't go a day without it. Then I got with a new guy. He is the guy I'm with now. He's so amazing. He's fixed up the scars the first guy gave me and so much more.
After I met my current boyfriend, I decided to give church a try. I was an atheist. I just wanted to go and have fun. But once day, after my brother came back home, and I heard him fighting my dad - don't ask what made me do it bc I don't know - I prayed. For the first time since I was a little girl I sunk down on the bathroom floor with tears running down my face and I asked God to PLEASE help me.
Ever since that day, my life has changed. God heard that first prayer and every prayer after that. I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing guy. My depression is gone, and I haven't self-harmed in over 6 months. God sent a neighbor my way so I could go to her house when things got bad at home. I quit smoking marijuana, and Im almost done with cigarettes as well. But the best thing of all? I found God. When I pray, I feel him listening. When I listen to music, I go straight to Gospel. He's all I post about on Facebook (except my dog. I love my dog). I've gotten very close to the people at my church and I got baptized on September 15th 2013.
Instead of pointless, my life has became meaningful. All because of Christ. I'm so glad I made the choice to give myself to him. It is the best choice I ever made. :) <3