I will leave my complaint upon myself: not that he would leave complaining, or lay it aside, though some (z) render it to this sense; rather give a loose to it, and indulge it, than attempt to ease himself, and give vent to his grief and sorrow by it; but it should be "upon himself", a burden he would take upon himself, and not trouble others with it; he would not burden their ears with his complaints, but privately and secretly utter them to himself; for the word (a) used signifies "meditation", private discourse with himself, a secret and inward "bemoaning" of his case; but he did not continue long in this mind, as appears by the following clause: or since I can do no other but complain; if there is any blame in it, I will take it wholly upon myself; complain I must, let what will be the consequence of it; see Job 13:13; though the phrase may be rendered, as it is sometimes, "within myself", see Hosea 11:8; (b); and then the sense may be, shall I leave my inward moan within myself, and no longer contain? I will give myself vent; and though I have been blamed for saying so much as I have, I will say yet more:
I will speak in the bitterness of my soul: as one whose life is made bitter, against whom God had wrote and said bitter things, and had brought bitter afflictions upon him, which had occasioned bitter complaints in him, as well as he had been bitterly used by his friends; and amidst all this bitterness he is determined to speak out his mind freely and fully; or to speak "of the bitterness" (c) of his soul, and declare, by words, what he in his mind and body endured.
(x) "fastidit anima mea vitam meam", Beza, Junius & Tremellius, Piscator. (y) "Excisa est anima mea in vita mea", Pagninus, Vatablus; so Ben Gersom & Ben Melech. (z) So Junius & Tremellius. (a) "meditationem meam", Schindler, col. 1823. "my sighing", Broughton. (b) "intra me". Vid. Noldium, p. 701. (c) "in vel de a maritudine", Mercerus.