King James Bible
King James Version (KJV)
Testimony: Strange Addictions
Anonymous testimony "Strange Addictions" on 8/12/2014, 11:08pm...
I used to be really good a deceiving people. I kept a good front. My outer appearance appeared fine, but inside I was loosing my mind. At a young age I was tormented with sexual desires. I felt as if there was something always there forcing me into these desires. My first sexual encounter took place with my own blood cousin. Yes my own family. I was probably around seven years old. She was 3 years older then me. That was my first encounter with homosexuality. I became a slave to my new sexual desires. I remember ever time we would do anything we both would say "don't worry god will forgive us, and it's okay" We always said God would forgive us, and now I look back that was only the devil. My relations with my cousin lasted nearly 5 years.
I soon was introduced to pornography and it soon became my addiction. I spent all my time watching it and indulging in pleasing myself. My addiction with pornography lasted up until the week before I got saved. I can honestly say that was one of the hardest chains to be broken, because of how long I had been held captive. There was times I would try to stop watching it, and I would only find myself returning back to the screen. It was a cycle that went on and on.
I also suffered from depression and I always felt alone. I found myself on a chat website, where me and my friend started off as a joke by using a fake image. We pretended to be someone else. This joke lasted years for me. I spent hours on hours meeting strangers and lying about who I was. I later on met a guy who I ended up in a relationship for 2 years. I lied about my age and identity completely creating myself as a different person, and I was good at it. I was so deceiving that he never questioned who I really was. Our relationship was based upon lust, but at the time I felt that I was in love. I did feel guilty about what I was doing and there were times that I would wake up crying because the guilt that was on my shoulders. He ended up leaving for the army, and I knew that he would wanted to stay in contact but that would risk me giving up my address. So I lied and I was good at it. I told him I was moving and I would send my new address to his niece who i had been in contact with. I made the decision that I would cut off a two year relationship. I never messaged him after his went into the marines.
To fast forward things, because I have gone through so much in life and God has delivered me from a storybook full of sin..let's get to my salvation!!!
I was in a summer program that prepared high school teens for college. I ended up in a dorm room with a complete stranger. The previous year I had been with one of my best friends at the time (thank God he separated me from her). The new girl I had meet had just came from Oakland, California. Very different backgrounds considering I had been raised in the suburbs. He up bringing was harder than mine. Anyway, the first night we had been talking about typical things. At the time I had gotten into smoking weed and I asked if she smoked ( hoping that would be the one thing we had in common). She said no, which surprised me so we changed the subject. Somehow she brought up God, and said she loved him. I was so confused no one my age ever talked about their love for God. I questioned her about the holy spirit (yes I knew about the holy spirit my mom was a born again christian). She said yes! Now I felt somehow God answered my prayers as far as I had been from him. I asked for a friend who was christian and could teach me about him. I was broken and somehow she seemed whole. We spent the rest of that week together sharing some of our most personnel secretes. I attended church the first time in years! I was so determined to go, nothing could stop me. Somehow I managed for my mom and aunt to tag along. As soon as I stepped into the church I felt waited down with guilt...I had always had this pride about me that would not let me reveal my emotions, but as we all know God could care less about our pride and he sure will knock it down. I started crying and I did care..I knew I had to give myself to God. I never was one to go up in front of the church, but this time I could not ignore Gods invitation. I walked up to the the front and started balling and crying out on the top of my lungs. I told God I accept his son and I believed he died for me, and I was sorry for what I did. I heard God for the first time and he said I love you Ania. I received the holy spirit on that day June 23 2013. I am glad to say I have been saved over a year I have not returned to my past sins, and I still living for God. God is good. At a young age my preacher prophesied over my before I was saved and said I would become a women of God. Although my walk with God has not been perfect..I fall everyday. I am not where I should be, but I know God is molding me to who I will be. If you read this I hope that God sent you to my testimony for a reason. I am really no one special, but God is special and he dwells in me. God will accept you for who you are right now. Don't give up the fight and I will see you in heaven.