Testimony: No Longer A Slave

Joshua's testimony "No Longer A Slave" on 5/22/2014, 6:24pm...

Hey everyone my name is Joshua. Although I've gone by Josh my entire life until recently. I guess a new life calls for a new name. I was born on October 17, 1991 so that makes me 22 years young. I was reborn on January 11 of this year, but I will start my testimony with the old man.

I grew up in a household with an alcoholic father and a scared mother. My father was demanding and abusive both mentally, and physically. Hence the reason my mother was scared.

I'm the oldest of my siblings. I have two sisters who are 20 and 18 now. Since I was the oldest and a boy I got the blunt end of all the physical abuse.

I grew up resenting my father for all the pain he put me through. I attended a church every Sunday with my grandparents growing up. It was never anything special for me, but a way to get out of my house. So because of the condition I lived in and the lack of support or nurturing, I grew very depressed and stayed that way.

Crying was a normal part of my day, and the fact that I had to hide it didn't help at all. I stayed active in sports and was very good at them. When I say I stayed active, I really mean that my father forced them on me. It really takes the joy out of something that should be so fun. So this lifestyle went on until I was almost 16 years old, when my mother finally kicked my father out of the house and they got the divorce I had heard about for years. Honestly at the time I was extremely thankful but also worried for my mothers life at the same time.

So I thought this change would make things better and I would finally be happy. Boy was I wrong.

My mom really focused on herself and her new relationships and I became dependent on friends and those so-called "friends". I turned my back on the true friends I did have at the time and went in search of something new and better. So I stumbled across a couple friends named marijuana and alcohol. With those new friends came a new identity and popularity in school. Just what I had been searching for.

I became close friends with the "coolest" kid in school. We did everything together. Even though the relationship was the same as the one I had with my father. He made fun of my in front of other friends and would beat me up in the same conditions. Weird friendship right? Crazy how I considered him the brother I never had. So our friendship grew when we added in some other friends named pills, LSD, and eventually heroin. Yes I became a slave to these drugs and the way they made me feel, or rather the lack of feeling. They took away all of my pain and I loved them for it. It was a constant battle for me. Of course just like anything rooted in the enemy, they came with even worse "friends" named lying, and stealing. It was all a part of the lifestyle. It's like a bundle package that I had become a part of.

That lifestyle led me to jail. Behind real bars. Did that stop me? Not a chance. Turns out I just loved suffering. I continued in that lifestyle for a couple more years working through probation and ending back behind bars. I tried counseling, rehab, and twelve step programs. Nothing worked for me, but finally I had realized that something was wrong with me that I could not fix. Through jail and other programs I came to believe in a higher power and called him God. Although it was an empty name to me at the time.

So I was on my last straw on probation, if I failed I would have to spend the next few years in prison. So I did just that, I failed again even knowing it was my last chance. So I had three options. Go to prison and serve the time they say I deserved. Kill myself because I was just so done with life and it was the easiest thing to do. Or to just leave that town and everything it stood for including my family. So even though it made no sense to me I packed everything up in my car and left.

Through all of my experiences I always felt guilty, and knew deep down that the lifestyle I was living wasn't right or what was meant for my life. But I was a slave and like any slave I cannot get out unless I run or am bought by someone else. Well both happened in my situation.

I had two options of places to go. One way would have led me down the same path, and the other would have led me to something fresh and better, and that's just what I got. I moved in with an old friend, a believer and lover of Jesus Christ. Who I knew nothing about at the time, but now I preach about him on the streets of this city I live in. My own Bethany. Jesus bought me from my slavery and brought me into his kingdom. I remember when he truly revealed himself to me. It was the first time I have ever cried from pure love and joy.

He has placed me in the most beautiful community of believers I could never even imagine. I truly have died to the old man and been reborn into Christ Jesus. I didn't ask for this, or seek for Jesus. He called out for me and rescued me because he loves me and hates watching me suffer. I have learned so much from our lord and am always getting new revelation from him. Together we walk out all of the gifts of the spirit and use them for his glory. I can now preach to people that are walking the same walk I was and get through to them.

He is always teaching me and just loving on me. He has blessed me with a steady job, with a promotion and raise already. With another one coming soon. All things are found in him. Brothers and sisters I am all in for what The Lord has for my life. His desires are mine. My heart is out for anyone who may read this that you get out of it exactly what you need. The spirit guides you here for a reason.

Also I ask that I may be in your prayers that I continue in the lords plans and do not become lukewarm. I still have the lingering problem with running from probation, but I leave that into the lords hands. In his time it will be handled with grace and mercy. I know that no matter what he has for me glory will be brought to his name. That's all we can pray for. Thank you all for reading, and I hope it is heard. Love you all. Praise Jesus.

 

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