King James Bible
King James Version (KJV)
Testimony: Jesus My First Love- Fight To Follow Living In Seasons Of Singleness
Katie's testimony "Jesus My First Love- Fight To Follow Living In Seasons Of Singleness" on 6/25/2013, 4:38am...
Listen to Love is War by Hillsong/Zion.
I am putting God first in my life right now and I trust him completely. He is my first love and I look to Jesus. My joy and strength and identity comes from Him.
Here's my story.
I am 26 and have never had a serious relationship. These past few years I've been searching but in the all wrong places. I grew up in a loving christian home with parents who have raised me well, God has truly blessed me. My walk with God was strong growing up. Within the past few years while still attending church and being somewhat connected I had slowly begun to compromise little by little allowing my curiosity about the opposite ***, and wanting to date, to become a priority. I found myself being pursueded to going out to night clubs with unsaved friends. I started out with just one drink telling myself "I just had one, I just like the music, I just like to dance that's all". It was exciting rather than just following all the rules and just waiting. I don't know how all of a sudden over time I had begun to feed off of the attention from guys at clubs. I allowed myself to be tipsy or drunk and it became "fun". I was letting myself "be in the moment" and I had kissed men I danced with in the clubs. On one occasion went back to military base with a guy, I still had my virginity though.
I was in and out of church, going when I felt like it. My relationship with God was not important to me like it was before. I stand here now thinking... how could I have ever let my relationship with God fade? How could I have rejected God's love to the point of wanting someone else? How could curiosity be so sinful?
But it was. I always went back to church but found myself in the same struggles.
Lust was really creeping into my life slowly and last year I lost my virginity to the same guy I had gone back to base with but it was months later.
The next day I called a friend in tears feeling so guilty and she lovingly comforted & encouraged me & understood where I was at. God really puts people into your life who can be encouraging friends of the faith when you need it. We had a small group that was all about being transparent in our walk with God or no matter where we are so that God can encourage us through these friends. It is vital to Stay connected with growing christians.
Fast forward four months later, I meet a guy through a friend. Can you guess what happens?
I can see how every time I choose to focus my life back on God and my relationship there is a distraction right around the corner. God knocks on the door of our hearts but sometimes the enemy knocks even harder to seek to destroy what God has just revealed to you through a friend or what God has spoken to you in His word.
Scripture reference Matthew 13:1-23 (The Sower and the seed)
So This guy I liked and he liked me but I found out a week later after I met him that he was seperated from his ex for 5 months awaiting a divorce. This was a total red flag....but guess what, my desire for a connection with a guy plus emotions plus my lack of daily relationship with God put me in a very vunerable spot spiritually and emotionally.
I kind of dated him for a month and fell into a ***ual relationship.
One night I believe God was trying to speak to me through the simplicity of a rose.
There were roses in my house in a vase and some had thorns on them. I began to wonder why God had made roses with thorns on them? I cried as I began seeing that roses have such a beauty that is not meant to be touched, it is protected. God was speaking to me about my purity. My purity is to be protected under God's spirit. My friend gave me a scripture that spoke to me (2 Corinthians 12-7-9) Paul and the Thorn in his flesh.
Paul was trying to reach the corinthians( the broken)and the enemy put a thorn in his flesh to keep him from being exalted. Paul wanted the thorn that was hindering him out of his flesh, God answered and said: "My Grace is enough for you; for my strength and power are made perfect and show themselves most effective in your weakness"
After telling him we should be friends and mutually deciding to do so, a couple weeks later I was out with a friend and his friends and fell into temptation again. I was trying to avoid it but gave in. The bible says to not be confident in the flesh( Phillipans 3:1-6)
And I had fell into sin one last time with him. Since then he attended Easter service and has expressed wanting to go to church. It took me 2 months to get over that hurt that comes from ***ual sin. Every now and then I tear over it but I am not condeming myself at all. I always knew that I should wait till marriage but I just fell. But God restored me emotionally and from that. I got re-baptized in April:)And since then have given my dating desires to God. I am not dating or looking for anyone and currently reading the book "Choosing God's Best".
We talked about God and our lack of faith in our lives before. We have had little contact since then but all this time I have been praying for him. Not with self motivation but I have been praying for him because I know he needs God at this time in his life and he needs to know God's endless love and healing coming out of a broken marriage.
We are still in contact but this time it is to go to church. I have been deeply reflecting on God's word this past month and have times of worship that I cherish.
I am praying over this next season, hoping for him to come to know the Lord. If it is God's will that we be friends, He will make it so. If not then it is ok because I want God's will for my life.
I encourage all you women of God to keep fighting for your faith, do not grow weary in your seasons of singleness. God desires you first and has us there to fulfill his work in that time. Trust Him, practice living like you trust him and stay connected to a small group/bible study and church.
Right now I know and feel God's love for me, it is Joy. I am not looking for anyone to date because I am looking to Jesus my first love...after all He is the one who is always faithfully chasing me ;)