King James Bible
King James Version (KJV)
Testimony: A New Identity In Christ
Anonymous testimony "A New Identity In Christ" on 12/16/2013, 2:16pm...
For many years, I called myself a Christian, but I didn't have a relationship with God. I still went to church every Sunday, and I was a "good" kid. But I did not put my identity in Christ. Instead, I created my identity based on who my friends were, what activities I was involved in, and what I looked like.
You can immediately see the problem: my identity was based on worldly things, which are bound to fail in the end. Because of this, I had a lot of insecurities. And growing up doing ballet made things even more difficult. For a girl who already had a lot of insecurities, it was impossible to not look in the mirror and compare yourself to the other girls in ballet class. In a leotard and tights, every flaw shows.
In seventh grade, I tried to solve the problem on my own - I started skipping meals. At first it was just a lunch here and there if I had eaten unhealthy the day before. But soon I never ate lunch or breakfast, and whatever dinner I ate was pretty small. I also started distancing myself from my friends and family because I had to lie to them every day about my eating habits. My friends would ask me why I wasn't eating lunch, and I would just say that I had eaten my lunch during an earlier class. In reality, I hadn't eaten anything all day.
As I drew further away from my friends, I started hating myself more and more. I talked to my friends even less, because I was afraid that either I would say something dumb or they would figure out my secret. After eighth grade, I stopped ballet. Along with ballet went some of my eating habits. I still desperately wanted to skip meals to lose weight, but I didn't have the motivation most of the time.
I gained some weight, which made me hate myself even more (although looking back, I realize that I was still very fit). This continued for the next three years. Oftentimes I would skip meals, but then get so hungry later that I binge ate. The summer after my junior year, I worked at a bible, camp, which I loved. The people there are so kind and caring, and I made so many amazing friends. I stopped skipping meals, mostly because we ate really delicious food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I learned to enjoy eating again. But I still had not founded my identity in Christ, and I still often hated myself and the way I looked. By that all changed during a worship night in July.
During the worship night, we watched a skit called "Everything" by Lifehouse. If you have not seen this skit before, I definitely recommend it. It tells the story of a girl who struggles to accept God's love. The girl struggles with greed, drinking, cutting, and bulimia as she tries to find her identity. Meanwhile, God is fighting Satan to get her back. Finally, God overcomes all of it by bearing her burdens as he dies on the cross. This skit hit me hard. Seeing the struggle that the girl went through, and knowing exactly what she felt like. Realizing how much God loves me - enough to carry my burdens on the cross.
I finally saw myself the way that God sees me: beautiful. I went back to my cabin and wept and prayed. As I did, I felt like the weight of the world was lifted of my shoulders. For the first time, I felt worthy. I spent quite awhile alone with God, completely overcome with emotion. At the same time, my best friend was also greatly affected by the skit. We spent close to an hour with our dean, so overcome with emotion that we couldn't talk. Relief. Joy. Thankfulness. Sad about how much time I had spent without giving up my problems to God. I have never cried so hard, nor felt so many emotions at once.
When we had finally settled down, my friend and I told each other our stories of why we were so affected. As it turns out, she had gone through a similar feeling of self-hate. A couple years before, she had started cutting herself, and had been diagnosed with depression. Our friendship grew so much that night as we cried together. I know that I will never be close to anyone else in quite the same way as we are, because we shared such a deep experience. This was a blessing, too, because I finally have someone that I know I can share anything with and still be loved. And that is the story of how God taught me to love myself and put my identity in Him, and through it all gave me my best friend ever.